Victory, Thy Name Is Black Lion

Robert Lunn is a former defensive tackle from UCONN. He graduated in 2008 and is now playing professional football - in Portchach, Austria. He's graciously shared some of the things he's experienced so far.

Lunn is no stranger to blogging, either. Some of his musings can be found on his personal blog "Thoughts From A Fat White Guy," guest appearances on Chris Cooley's blog portion of his personal site, and a blogger for the newly launched NESN.com.

...JUST FOR ONE DAY

In 2007 I was part of a UConn Football team that upset a 12th ranked South Florida on ESPN. As the final whistle blew our fans charged the field. In the chaos I had my mouthpiece, gloves, and helmet stolen. I also got several full-on make-out sessions from several beautiful babies, much to the dismay of my then girlfriend. I decided right then and there that football would never be that great. Up until this past Saturday, I was right.

The Vienna Vikings are an affiliate of the Minnesota Vikings. Their sponsors include Chrysler, Burger King, and a motley crew of private investors. My Team? Well, let's just say that the Bad News Bears Strip Club sponsor was a step up. The Vikings have every advantage, and it is reflected in their team history (8 league titles, and 5 Euro Bowl championships). The Black Lions website is designed, hosted, and managed by our right tackle.

Our team is viewed by many Euro football fans as a colossal joke. I even received this piece of "fan mail" (a special thanks to Daulerio for posting my email).

Channel your best Austrian-accent-inner-monologue for this:

"Do you know what a joke of your team is? Your could not play for a real city, like Vienna. Unimpressive is your play. The Carinthian Black Pussies suck, just like you do. Only your quarterback is good.'' [Sic'd]

-Cookie

So when we were down 20 points at half time, all was right with the world.

Maybe it was my pregame speech: "Don't give me this "Rudy" bullshit, let me tell you about what happens to Rudy in today's college ball. He gets his ass cut. Never to be seen nor heard from again. This isn't a movie, boys. This is real life. So take that hoo-rah, Remember the Titans shit and throw it out the window…" But at the half, guys did not have the usual downtrodden, defeated expressions.

So when the final whistle blew, and we were victorious (41-33) I had that whole "Do you believe in Miracles? Yes!"-type-moment.

For as much as I laugh and shake my head at 90% of what goes on in Austria (especially on a football field-"Coach, I have to leave ze game, I have University test at 5") this past weekend's victory was special.

Oh I almost forgot: Blow me, Cookie.

IF YOU TOUCH MY HOT SISTER I WILL KILL YOU

The post-game celebration moved from on the field and into the city. Which was awesome, as our team president bought us bottles of "Wahd-ka" and other beverages. I'd like to see UConn's athletic director Jeff Hathaway do that. Not to mention that our head coach joined us for drinks (again, where was Randy Edsall after South Florida? Kidding Coach-sort of).

Well as it so happened my sister (who so many have requested more pictures of) had flown to Austria for the game, joining my girlfriend in the stands. Terrific, now I'd have to fend off "Peter the Man-whore" all night. No such luck, Peter was too drunk to function. So instead I made one of our young players dance with her. I am an idiot for doing this. I don't know why I thought that in a country where the drinking starts in the crib and a three-pack-a-day habit is commonplace at age 12, and condoms are "only fur ze sailors" that our 17-year-old defensive end would be a good dance partner for my visiting kin. Instead, I watched as he proceeded to grab and grope her. Of course once I approached to intervene he stopped. He was scared shitless. Little punk.

AND AFTER THE JOYFUL CHAOS, A SWIFT RETURN TO COLD, COLD REALITY

Do you know how we (ze Americans) were rewarded for the biggest victory in the history of our organization and arguably the greatest upset in the 29 year history of the Austrian Football League?

"You must move out by Tuesday." I'm not going to point fingers, but apparently there was some dispute over our rent being paid on time. As in: not being paid at all. So our tour at "ze castle" was apparently over as of Tuesday. Our neighbor Ralph Wilson (true story), must be upset. Don't worry, we weren't about to be three homeless Americans bumming it Austria — other accommodations had been made.

The minute we heard "other" we were suspicious. But for our team, bad news always has a positive spin on it. This was no exception, as we found ourselves no longer in a 100-year-old villa but on the second floor of "Penison See-Haus" located in beautiful Krumpendorf (insert Harry Potter joke here). And as an added bonus, our new abode is complete with creepy, random taxidermy displays.

Victory, Thy Name Is Black Lion

Hooray.

Robert Lunn can be reached at thefatwhiteguyATgmail.com. Share your thoughts with him. He's a big boy.