You all know about Derrick Rose supposedly peeking at someone else's hypotenuses or whatever. But what about the other Memphis scandal? The one involving the women's golf team and a book called Best Friends? This one will warm your heart.
Along with the allegations about the basketball team, the NCAA sent the University of Memphis president a litany of supposed violations by former golf coach Jenny Bruun. She's accused of providing "multiple extra benefits valued at approximately $3,115.70 to women's golf student-athletes," as well as "impermissible recruiting inducements valued at approximately $70," which I confess to finding adorably quaint.
• "In December [redacted], Bruun provided [redacted] a Christmas gift that included a sweater, Starbucks coffee mugs and a Starbucks gift card. The sweater had an approximate value of $75, the mugs had an approximate value of $30 and the gift card had a value of $25."
• "In December [redacted], Bruun provided a Christmas gift to [redacted] that included a season series of the television show 'The West Wing' on DVD and a wooden tea box and tea bag set. The gifts had an approximate value of $75."
• "In December [redacted], Bruun provided [redacted] a Christmas gift that included a belt, a book entitled 'Best Friends,' a book entitled 'A Wedding in December' and a wall hanging. The gifts had an approximate value of $56.96."
• "Between April and August [redacted] and before [redacted] initially enrolled at the institution, Bruun provided [redacted] a good luck gift, flowers, the movie 'Miracle' on DVD and a picture of a bible verse. The gifts had an approximate value of $70."
The NCAA is anal enough to track down the value of a sweater, and yet they don't bother to tell us which Bible verse. Leave aside the question of whether a state employee should really go around spreading the Good Word to her charges. What sort of verse are we talking here. Psalms? The Gospels? Revelation? "And the rest were killed with the sword which came from the mouth of Him who sat on the horse, and all the birds were filled with their flesh"? It makes a difference.
In November [redacted], Bruun permitted [redacted] stay at her residence at no cost for approximately two nights after [redacted] apartment was burglarized. The lodging had an approximate value of $160.
The NCAA is just straight-up mean.