Once Again, Frank Deford Can't Hide His Horny Old Manliness

Frank Deford has always been infatuated with vivacious young tennis stars, so it's not surprising he'd offer his take on the recent ITF grunt ban considerations with a creepy I'm-typing-this-pantsless approach. SportressofBlogitude gives the porny rundown on Deford's latest column.

Deford enjoys the "spots of noise" emitted when two sinewy young ladies battle it out on the tennis court and he can't understand why the ITF is labeling them distractions. With that in mind, he offers up this little paragraph that could easily be mistaken for a passage from a Johanna Lindsey romance novel:

Senhorita Larcher de Brito is more of a shrieker, as was Ms. Sharapova. And, for those connoisseurs of the art, Ms. Seles hit her shots with a double-barrelled wail. Sort of: ee-ee. Actually, I always thought the best grunter of all was a Romanian player named Virginia Ruzici, of the 1970s, whose shriek reminded one and all, vicariously, of ecstasy.

Color me steamy. And just to cap off the awkwardness of his piece, he goes all "Finding Forrester" in the kicker:

Give me a good grunt on the tennis court any day, even if it isn't really a grunt. Listen, I may not remember much about the sounds of sport of thirty years ago, but the sensual cries of the long-forgotten Ruzici still sound like music to my ears. Ah, and at Wimbledon Monday, young Michelle Larcher de Brito defiantly declared: "Nobody can tell me to stop grunting!"

Hey, as they say on the links: "You da girl!"

Punch the keys, for God's sake, Frank. But please don't ejaculate on them.

Not that I want confirmation, but I'm pretty sure Frank Deford Had An Erection When He Wrote This [SportressofBlogitude]
What's The Matter With A Spot Of Noise on Tennis Courts? [SI]

Send an email to A.J. Daulerio, the author of this post, at ajd@deadspin.com.

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