Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

-Antoine Walker joins the NBA All-Star team of gambling deadbeats, alongside Charles Barkley, Alonzo Mourning and Michael Jor[REDACTED BY EDICT OF CZAR STERN] At least Walker tried to pay off his debts. Too bad the checks bounced.

-Pedro Martinez signs with the Phillies, anticlimactically ending his courtship. Also sure to be anticlimactic Pedro's return to the bigs.

-Meanwhile, Los Angeles has taken their offer to Lamar Odom off the table. Gamesmanship? Or, with the cap coming down, can the Lakers simply not afford to pay $9 mil to a fourth option who's running out of potential to live up to?

-To afford to offer Paul Millsap a contract, the Jazz will have to take out a bank loan. Why again did we think Salt Lake City could support a professional sports team?

-MMA poster girl Gina Carano's ex says there's a sex tape. He also says he's "smashed a lot finer than that." Classy.

-Bud Selig says Pete Rose's HOF eligibility is "under review." He declined to set odds for the prop.

-Tony Romo lost a girlfriend, but gained a sense of humor. Does this make you like him more? Didn't think so.

-Because no one believes that Prince Fielder is a vegetarian, here's a list of the 50 fattest MLB players of all time. Starting with Prince's daddy.

Send an email to Barry Petchesky, the author of this post, at barryp@deadspin.com.