Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•The Coyotes are staying in Phoenix. The NHL turns down $212 million bid for the team, accepts Jerry Reinsdorf's offer of $64 million less. And yet, Bettman says "this had nothing whatsoever to do with the relocation issue." That's actually believable, considering the commish has made his career on terrible financial decisions.
•Omar Minaya is "this close to being out of baseball," says Mets exec. That's not much of a threat, since what he's put together can hardly be called "baseball."
•ESPN Radio host quits after being muzzled over Big Ben. The Roethlisberger controversy has claimed its first victim. Besides, you know, the woman claiming to be the victim.
•Sam Bradford, signing babies at the Big 12's Media Days. Yes, he's big news, but is he good enough to be the first player to win two Heismans before becoming an NFL bust?
•Pirates trade away whatever they had left. For posterity, here's their starting lineup from yesterday's game: Andrew McCutchen, Andy LaRoche, Delwyn Young, Garrett Jones, Steve Pearce, Brandon Moss, Ramon Vazquez, Jason Jaramillo. I...I don't even have a joke here.