The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd Complaints

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

Yep, These Are My (Non) Readers

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

Tommy Teenager Is Not Happy

i dont think ive told you this lately, but you killed deadspin. so congrats on that.
basically everything that used to be great about deadspin when leitch left now sucks.
as a fellow philadelphian, i gave you some space to figure shit out, but man, you really blew it.

jesus you suck,
tommy.

ps- i hope you have some chapstick at the ready for everytime you've sucked denton's dick.

Dash Bennett: Alabama Bigot

Dashiell Bennett:

It is amusing to me to read such a poorly written article about a practically irrelevant sporting event by a pompous, self-righteous blowhard. The joke is actually on you, Mr. Bennett. While you think your witty, little Birmingham-bashing rants are garnering you favor and praise among your ilk, it's comical to see such ignorance on display. Birmingham is not without its problems (much like your fine city is not without its problems), and I cannot wait for the day that this city elects a competent mayor. But for you to continually bash an entire group of people based on geographic location alone is ignorance at its finest. You've never been to Birmingham, but your incredibly high level of disdain is as if Bull Connor put a fire hose on you himself. You're like Arthur Frommer (oh geez, I really don't wish to give your little posts that level of credibility) ranting about how terrible of travel location a place is he has never been.

In short, you're a bigot, Mr. Bennett. Albeit, your brand of bigotry has become widely-accepted today, it is bigotry nonetheless. It's actually quite the anomaly because you've become exactly what, I assume, led you to hate Birmingham, AL with such passion.

Sincerely,

Jon Sharpton

Birmingham, AL

Yes, We Get It: Todd Reesing Should Not Be Drinking Wine Or Playing With Tiny Dogs Or Dudes Or Whatever He's Doing In These Photos

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

(The Mainboard, others)

Please Send These Questions To Mr. Craggs For His New Weekly Column "Why Your Period Sucks"

When in menstrual cycle does face break out? Before I go ahead, is there any pointers you might have? Any info much appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
Warmest Regards, Joan

Matt Stafford And Knowshon Moreno Like To Crush Alot

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd ComplaintsS

I'll Forward This Right Over To Him

hello my name is r.mack and i am very concerned about T.O I BELIEVE HE NEEDS A SPIRITUAL LEADER IN HIS LIFE.I BELIEVE THAT IF HE DOESNT CHANGE HIS LIFE AROUND HE WILL END UP LIKE ALOT OF RICH MEN GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOSS YOUR SOUL. I BELIEVE T.O YOU CAN GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT THREW JESUS CHRIST THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF OUR FAITH. YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS IN YOUR LIFE. JESUS WILL BE THERE TO CONFORT YOU WHEN NO ONE IS THERE. COME TO OKLAHOMA T.O AND GET YOUR SPIRIT FEED AND EXCEPT JESUS AND IF YOU HAVE LETS LIVE LIKE HE WANTS US TO

No, Thank You

Whats up man. I was talking to my friend about what a dictator roger goodell is, and i said he should start running cuba, which led to the nickname Fidel Goodell. Feel free to use this, i haven't heard anyone else say it.

Thanks.

Enjoy

(blows otu) this remind me of my friend names qwerts. about 4 year ago he was married to this lady names henry etta. every thing seem normal in the outside. sure they have they problems (what couple dont) and they have good times too. one time at teh carnival qwerts threw quarter and it land perfectly on a red hole and bigno, he win a car. that night we all drive around until teh sun come up, laughin and talkin about that great throw he make. qwerts have his arm around henry etta teh whole time and they was kissin and smilin and you just knews that it was probly teh greatest time in the history of a world for them. i remember that night so clear because henry etta win that cd by kelly clarpson at the whackmole. we was playing it in the car and every time she sing since you is gone, huerta would burp real loud. it was one of them magic night where everything was perfect.

so a few month later I see qwerts and lets just put it this way, he is devistating. I ask him what is wrong "hey qwerts, you look sad, what is problem." "hey stups, it is henry etta. a few night ago she act all weird and next thing i knews, she is gone like a candle of a wind." So i just pet him on teh head and tell him everything gonna be alright and maybe she just forget somethin somewhere and she go to get it. you never really know what it could be. maybe she just see animals and she following them. who knows.

well, (bloews out) about 4 day later we get an answer. and just thinkin about it make knots on my stomach. qwerts was still sad so me and huerta decide that we gonna take him to teh carnival to cheer him up. huerta even buy that kelly clarks cd and teh way there we play that song over and over and huerta burps everytime...lol. we was really laughin and having great time and for one moments, it like qwerts was smilin and he forget about he problems. mission accomplist.

So we get to teh carnival and we doin all the thing we like to do. we all ride the coaster, me and huerta ride the swingin pirate ship and sit on the ends across from each other and when one of us get as high as we can we make funny face at the other guy. qwerts even go to the quarter toss to try to win another car but they dont let him throw one because he probly is so good at it. finally it is gettin late and qwerts decide he wanna play wackmoles before we go. he saw last time that one of they prizes was a paddle ball and he dog (at teh time) jimmy c had chewed the ball off he old paddle so he needed a new one anyways.

Just as he walk up to the game, he see something that will change he life forever. It is henry etta and she is playin whackmoles with another man. They is playin together and teh other man is behind her and they is holdin that mallet together. They was laughin and havin what look like the time of a life. Qwerts start walking over to them and huerta try to stop him, but I grab huerta arm and say "let'm go". Qwerts go over to them and say "henry etta, what is goin on. I am so sad and i dont knew where you is and now I come here and see you playin whackmoles with another man." I am so sad." It turn out that the other man is names Paul Swish. Some of you may know that he grandfather Josia Swish invent whackmoles and Paul been around that game he whole life. That is why henry etta like him because she favorite game is whackmoles and in teh wackmole world, teh swish name is Royal T.

We start walkin away and then huerta have an idea. "hey swish, how about you and qwerts play one whackmole game. who ever get hi score get henry etta." qwerts stop and he turn around to look over at paul and henry etta and they look at each other and think for a moment. Paul nod and wink at henry etta and he yell back " ok, you on." Wow, my heart start beatin like triples. This is exciting, this is a game that will change life for everyone involve. Me and huerta start rubbin querts shoulders. Huerta pull a towel out of he back pocket and put it around he neck. Qwerts step up to he machine and paul swish step up to his. A huge crowd is now gathered around as news spread of teh whackmole show down where the winner get henry etta. It is qwerts verse Paul swish. And now the game of a lifetime starts.

Teh moles is comin up fast and qwerts is really concentrate, he hittin almost all of them. he is biting his toungue and sweatin, he is tryin he best. I look over at paul swish to see how he doin. I will never forget what I see as long as i live. he is holdin that mallet sideways out in front of him with he hand in teh middle of it and he turning it with only he wrist and he hittin moles with both the top of the mallet and teh bottom of it (teh handle!). He is hittin moles so fast that teh crowd is screaming and applause. He other hand is on his hip and he look like a spanished bullfighter. It is breathtaking! And the worst part is that he is beating qwerts by thousand of points. It almost like he knews which hole that moles is comin out of before the moles do. Finally the game is over and qwerts have 520 points. He look over to see what paul swish score is and he see 340. He jump in the air and scream "I win!! henry etta is mine!" Then huerta tell him that he don't see the 6 in front of the 340. Paul swish actually score 6340 points and simply demolish qwerts. Paul and henry etta hug and kiss and they skip away forever, laughing and hi-fiving to teh crowd. paul was signin autogramphs as well.

That was 4 years ago and now qwerts is married to a real nice lady. He don't like to talk about henry etta and now when we go to teh carnivals, he avoid whackmoles all together (he only do squirt baloons). But he get through it and he a better man for it. we heard a few year ago that paul swish get beat at whackmoles by a chinesed boy and lose henry etta so qwerts take some comfort in that. Last we hear was henry etta live honk kong.

so basically what i sayin is you never know. life is unexpect and just kind of gotta roll in it.

stud+s

p and s while i was typin this huerta leave me voice mail that was just him doin burps...lol