Relax, The Stolen Dennis Rodman Statue Was Not Really A Dennis Rodman Statue

A 70-year-old Vermont gentleman reported that his seven-foot bronze statue of Dennis Rodman was stolen, leading to my favorite story of the week: The AP having to confirm that it was not a Dennis Rodman statue and it wasn't stolen.

So let's get this straight. A possibly senile old man goes to a hospital's charity auction and buys what he believes to be a bronze sculpture of former NBA nutjob Dennis Rodman. The fact that someone would create a seven-foot bronze ode to Carmen Electra's ex-husband did not seem odd to him, because he is not even a basketball fan. He just thought it was good art. I repeat, he thought a giant over-sized likeness of Dennis Rodman would just look good in his study.

The wacky Vermont media was all over the theft story, forcing Grace Cottage Hospital to call the AP and reassure them that the statue they sold at their art fair was not actually sculpted to look like Dennis Rodman. The auctioneer just thought that it resembled him and made a joke about it. And that was enough to convince a 70-year-old man to buy it and have it shipped to his house. Except that he might not have done that either. The hospital says "they believe the piece was left at the auction site on the town common and grabbed by scavengers after the event." In some towns, that's called stealing, but if we're going by the old man's version of events, he probably just put a "Free Statue" sign on it and assumed that was his delivery receipt.

The fact that either one of these stories appeared in a newspaper and ended up in my inbox gives me warm and fuzzy feelings about Vermont. It's like the whole state is run by the Lollipop Guild. The good news is that if any enterprising statue makers out there would like to create a seven-foot bronze replica of Dennis Rodman, there is apparently a market for it.

Bronze statue of Dennis Rodman stolen from Townshend [Burlington Free Press]
Hospital says statue was not of Rodman [Fox 44]

* * * * *

It's almost time for the Late Shift with Barry Petchesky. Bronze statues for everyone!

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.

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