JESUS FUCKING CHRISTS

Apologies for taking the Lord's name in vain in the headline, readers, but this is some serious backchannel craziness the Eagles just pulled off. With all the possible destinations for Michael Vick, even in the strictly hypothetical, UFL sense....

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Relax. Take it all in.

Okay. I think I got it. Anyway.

Here are some pros:

• If Mike Vick is still skilled in what Mike Vick was skilled at before he went to the clink and he hasn't put on 40 pounds of prison muscle during that time, well, the Eagles will have a pretty incredible back-up quarterback come Week 6. This is a serious, oh, hell yes we're serious upgrade. Just because Kevin Kolb can skin a giant hog with a plastic fork doesn't make him a viable option. And A.J. Feeley is still A.J. Feeley. He's just older and more paunchy.

• Hey, McNabb asked for playmakers! Maybe they'll incorporate some hybrid, legal version of the A-11 offense. I can see it now: McNabb under center, Vick in the slot, Shady McCoy sitting on Westbrook's back, DeSean Jackson in a four-point stance, Jeremy Maclin crouched in child's pose 17 yards behind the line of scrimmage and...HIKE! It'll be like electronic football.

• This makes this season interesting no matter what.If McNabb goes down with a knee injury in week 2, well, do you not think people will write-off the Eagles immediately? Of course they will BUT — Mike Vick's redemption song is on the horizon. Maybe he can lead us to victory! And if Michael Vick brings Philadelphia to the playoffs or, gasp, WINS a Super Bowl, well he could set a dozen baby poodles on fire in the middle of Broad Street and he'll still be a hero for life. Just how it is. But, either way, who's not watching this guy trot onto the field each week and the subsequent reaction he receives in each new city?

And the cons:

• Michael Vick electrocuted, drowned, or whatever else he did to dogs and this will be horrible PR. Philly media was one of the most anti-Vick cities when all of this stuff broke. In fact, my old pal Stu Bykofsky, a strident animal rights activist, called Vick a "wretched waste of DNA" in one of his columns. Oh, and it probably doesn't help that one of Phladelphia's most cherished athletes, Chase Utley, really, really loves dogs. How many fights will break out between PETA freaks and drunken lunatics in the parking lot this year? Over/under is at 50.

• And also.... Hmm. You know what? Can't think of anything else. Ron Mexico? On the Eagles?

This, sports enthusiasts, is seven kinds of awesome.

JESUS FUCKING CHRISTS

As you were...

(Thanks to Nathan M. for the photoshop.)

Eagles Confirm Vick Signing [Philly.com]
What? Eagles Signed Mike Vick? [The700Level]