The One Where Sweaty Will Leitch Startles A ManS

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Citizen Journalism At Its Finest

A. Has anyone actually SEEN Mark Sanchez's birth certificate? If I am not mistaken, Sanchez is a Mexican name. And have you seen the way he scrambles? Is it possible he honed these skills evading the US Border Patrol? All I'm saying is that someone should at least look into it...and perhaps we should save QB jobs in the National Football League for those who are, you know, US nationals.

B. This morning while fetching some bagels for my family, I was passed on the street by Will Leitch, a famous sports blogger (see attached photo). He was wearing a Cardinals #47 Ludwick t-shirt and maroon shorts. He was sweaty and surprisingly small.

Just thought you'd like to know!

DH

KEEP UP THE SUCK

It's really hard to ignore how much worse the site has become with you in charge. I'm a Philly guy myself and I do(?)/did like when you would write in occasionally when Leitch was running the ship, but since you took over the site has simply sunk to mediocrity. I could care less about the comments - what bothers me is how often you just link to other stories on other sites rather than have original Deadspin stuff. That's the lazy way out. Craggs journalism is hardly journalism. In fact, it's not, and what he writes usually just sucks. The only good thing I've seen in the last, I don't know, four months, was the homage to the Mets season yesterday.

This email won't do anything, I know that. The site won't change, it'll just continue to get worse and worse, but I couldn't take it any longer. I had to voice my opinion via email.

My suggestion - put Drew in charge. When he writes I actually laugh, and it seems like he tries. He won't just link to another site. Also the FJM guys. They gave a damn. You should take some notes, but until then, keep up the suck.

That's His Prerogative

You never talked to the parents of the 120 folks who want to stay and become young men and leaders. You talk to "former" players who dont like to work and left the program. Cmon Mr Cragg how bias can you be? You corner two young freshman during media day and of course they are going to say that they work all day long...this is nothing more than a smear campaign and you know it! Get the facts before you write stuff like this. Talk to your fellow journalist and see what they are saying about Rosenberg's article. Presents fact Mr Craggs.

Bobby Brown

This Person Does Not Want Drew In Charge

Drew Magary is 20% more gay than your average sportswriter.

Fuck you. You fat ugly piece of shit. I know what you look like and I speak on behalf of every Niner fan when I wish you a slow and painful death. You self righteous asshole, how dare you write about the 49ers. You are dog shit and you don't deserve to write about the 49ers. I'm sorry you had to live through the 80's and 90's and watch the best team in football. Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, Bill Walsh, Ronnie Lott, your fat ass doesn't deserve to hold their sweaty jock straps, and this team will be back. Fuck you. You sit behind a desk and think that you can write whatever you please. You better watch your back Drew Magary, your personal information is on the web for anyone with half a brain to hack and find out where you live. You are a fat, angry slob. FUCK YOU. if you ever write about the 49ers again you will be sorry.

Asshole.

-49er Faithful

No Hitting, FYI

AJ,

Bringing Craggs on was genius but it seems this Blazer Girl is the
Foxy Brown to your Reservoir Dogs. Please do not condone the voice of
blond sorority girls that have sports knowledge based off what they
hear off Sportscenter and Rome is Burning. You are ruining Deadspin
with this girl. Sorry dude. I was a big fan of yours but Jesus
Christ, did you end up at a Red Bull promotion and fell in live with
some cute girl that had half a pulse on sports?

I know i have no credence as I attempted to send you a video of a bud
of mine pissing himself in a pair of Depends, but Jesus Christ, if
Leitch pooped the bed with the idea of going on Costas Now, you are
entering the same said bed with explosive diarrhea.

I have faith that you will make the right decision. (I.e. hit it and quit it.)

Matt T.

Dallas, Tx

Yeah, You Guys Suck Too

What the fuck happened to the comments on this site? They used to be funny and entertaining, now it just seems like you have a bunch of little politically correct, crybaby pussies trying to drop life lessons on me. Every time I I read the comments on the site, I feel like I'm in the middle of a debate, with a bunch of socialist nerds, in a political science class. You have a bunch of people, who's opinions I could give two shits about, telling me why it's so wrong that some big black man knocked out a douchey looking white guy for talking shit after a football game. That is funny. That is in the word's of Kenny Banyan "Gold". Why take something so good and ruin it by talking about how disgusting nature of someone's actions. If I wanted that I would go read that yinzer Jay Mariotti's blog.

Example:

Image of Black Hammer White Lightning Black Hammer White Lightning
10:42 AM

"But isn't part of you a little bit pleased that he wiped that fucking smirk off Byron Hout's face?"

Not at all, Dash. How exactly did Hout "start it" when Blount was talking shit all week leading up to the game. As soon as he got a little of it back, he got all punchy.
Reply

I find more enjoyment from reading the comments of an article on foxnews than deadspin. You need to strip all these pansies' commenting privelages and encourage more participation from ppl like Gourmet Spud. It's bad enougg I'm wasting my company's money reading comments about sports, but at least try and help me waste their money reading something that makes me laugh.

Impotently,
Former avid reader of Deadspin comment section

No, Thank You. I Guess.

Random rednecks. Thank you facebook

The One Where Sweaty Will Leitch Startles A ManS

This Song Has The Potential To Be Huge

I Want to Fuck Your Face Until You Sneeze Pud Snot

(INTRO)

(WANKY GUITAR)

(DRUM FILL)

(CYMBAL CRASH)

Oh, how I want to penetrate your mouth with my wang...
so you'll have a throatful of of scrotum meringue
I'll smack that dirty mouth with my thunder snake skin,
and maybe if you're good...(BEAT)i'll stick it under your chin.

(WANKY GUITAR)

Yeah, you herpe'd faggot, I'm gonna blow the love fog in,
drop my balls in some yolk, let's get to homo egg noggin'
Cover your back with my squishy thick man spray,
punch your mother in the face, then fuck her on a stingray

Pre Chorus:

You're flying blind, your eyes are filled with spunk,
You want my love you have to worship dago junk.

CHORUS:

Iiiiiiii....gonna fuck you, fuck you, fuck you fuck you in the face
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you in the face.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you in the face.

The pud snot's rockin', let's join the gang rape.

Tha't's all i got right now. I envision this sounding a little like Tin Machine.