Shawne Merriman wants an internet hug. Tila Tequila would like to teach the world about "roid rage." It's all part of their strategy to win the public relations battle by taking their domestic dispute online.

As you know, Merriman was arrested on Sunday morning after Tequila accused him of choking her and restraining her from leaving his house. Everyone went to their Twitter feeds to get the rest of the story and the couple delivered. For awhile. She temporarily went into hiding, but when Merriman quietly linked to his official prepared lawyer statement, she unleashed a flurry of accusations and defenses (before going back underground again.)

He says he was simply trying to keep her from driving drunk. She retorts that she is "allergic to alcohol" and doesn't drink. (The owner of the club where she was photographed grinding on Merriman earlier that evening says she is lying and was "visibly intoxicated." He added, "It sounds like she's allergic to the truth." Meow!) She helpfully pointed that steroids make Hulk angry and linked to an old USA Today article about Merriman's drug troubles. Merriman responded by asking for funny YouTube videos because he "needs to laugh." He even accepted moral support from a Bronco fan, so you know it's serious.

What does all this mean? Besides the fact that you shouldn't try to fight your legal and/or relationship battles on Twitter? Actually, that might be the only lesson here. I can't decide if these two should never speak again or if they should get married and broadcast their honeymoon on UStream. They are both perfect and terrible for each other.

Tila Tequila Speaks On Merriman via Twitter [BlackSportsOnline]
Tila Tequila's Twitter Attacks Not Best Idea [Gawker]
After arrest, San Diego Chargers' Shawne Merriman says he was protecting girlfriend Tila Tequila [NY Daily News]
Related: Denver Broncos' tight end Richard Quinn faces harassment charges [ESPN]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.