Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It is NFL Day. Here are my Hot Six Spread Picks for the weekend, given gratis and at no charge. DISCLAIMER: What you do with this information is At Your Own Risk. (LOL)
Miami at ATLANTA (-5.5)
Chad Pennington has Dartmouth douchebag hair, and the Dolphins are going to mildly eat it. Though maybe Chad #2, the Henne, will come out and shave the Pennster's lame head for a HOT GAY UPSET!
Kansas City at BALTIMORE (-11.5)
Obvs I love the way John Harbaugh fills out a polo. Awesome coaching man-rack. Hayyyyy, get it, B-more!
Detroit at NEW ORLEANS (-23.5) Isn't it crazy that we're starting with the north's most devastated city against the south's most devastated? I give this game a giant frowny face. Sorry America! So sad, too bad. And what's worse, listen, the Lions had THREE guys who didn't practice yesterday, because they barely have a good knee between them, including Drew Stanton, which: yum! OMG he is so hot. Also: Detroit, I mean, no.
Jacksonville at INDIANAPOLIS (-4.5)
Eww, are there two uglier cities in the U S of A? I polled my super-homo water volleyball team, and we agreed to pick Indiana for the win in memory of Michael Jackson. Indianapolis. Whatever it's fucking called.
NEW YORK at Houston (-6.5)
It's a whole new Jets, and a whole new who cares. So long Brett Favre, you thuggish hottie, and hello Mark Sanchez, you overpaid little bitch. Even though Houston rescued that tall and strapping Dan Orlovsky from Detroit, that is not enough to withstand the pounding that Mark Sanchez is going to deliver.
SAN DIEGO at Oakland (-7.5)
Okay, my momma's hometown of Oakland (REPRESENT) has a hard time with San Diego, no lie. But now they have Charlie Frye! And all I have to say is: gut 'em, Charlie! Still Oakland is going down, but with a struggle. (Also, that's what she said.)
Hit me up on Twitter if you want any more pointers for this weekend's other games! For a small fee we can work something out. (She said that as well.)