Michael Ventre has made a career out of condemning the sinners of sport with his fancy moralizing. But many feel his latest screed— "Fat, Boorish Jets Fans Have a Slovenly Coach to Match"— may have gone too far.
The piece is basically a 1,587 word pot shot at Jets fans, as written by a 19th century English countess or Kelsey Grammer after a couple of mimosas. And if you happen to have an Olde English Dictionary on hand, you'd understand why Jets fans want Ventre's head.
Fans of the New York Jets have a unique place in the hearts of America. Of course, congenital defects, clots and LDL cholesterol also fit that description. The typical Jets fan is male, about 26-35, built like Weeb Eubank, and has been wearing the same No. 12 jersey since the sixth grade, a garment that usually has been spared the indignity of repeated machine washings. The most important day in the life of a Jets' fan is Draft Day, when he and his brethren gather inside a New York ballroom or arena to greet the franchise's selections with catcalls and language that would make a Merchant Marine drop anchor so he could cover his ears.
Goodness! Catcalls in ballrooms! Merchant Marines dropping anchor! Garments without Repeated Machine washings! So far some good, friendly joshing. But here it takes a turn for the nasty:
The arrival of the gifted and chronically upbeat Sanchez, coupled with the installment of Rex Ryan as head coach, sent tremors through Jets Nation. No longer would Jets Fan have to comfort himself with a 24-ounce draft and a chili-covered knish, although he certainly left that option open. The team's fortunes were on the upswing. Joy to the %$#@! world.
The USC product [Mark Sanchez] is supremely confident without being abrasive. He is so appealing that Jets Fan has to resist the temptation to put cheese and onions on him.
It's Ryan who might be the catalyst for turning the Jets into the Raiders East. And we all know how they're doing.
The previous Team That You Love To Hate was the Patriots, but for different reasons. The Patriots rarely opened their mouths; in fact, it was Belichick's sullen inscrutability, which spread throughout his roster, that rankled observers and opponents more than any overt attitude. Tom Brady, the team's poster boy for goodness and victory, was always maddeningly efficient rather than brazenly antagonistic.
The Patriots got your goat by frustrating it; the Jets do it by hitting it with a shovel.
That's tolerable when you're 2-0. But if Ryan and the Jets lose a few; if they suffer a key injury or two; or if the clock strikes midnight and Sanchez starts to bear an uncanny resemblance to a pumpkin, then foes, fans and media alike will being [begin?]to return the uncouth favors.
And if I were Jets Fan, I would continue to sharpen my grousing skills, just in case. It's still early in the season, and next year's draft day will be here before you know it.
You hear that, Rex? UNCOUTH FAVORS — like insulting your dad with this semi-obscure Ann Landers reference: "Buddy [Ryan] was never a student of the Ann Landers school of football etiquette."
DOUBLE BURN!!! (I think.)
Believe it or not, Ventre has actually written way more offensive stuff in the past about the Pats, sweatshops and how Bill Belichick's hoodie is destroying humanity:
Don't forget, too, that aside from Brady and Belichick, the rest of the Patriots make minimum wage or thereabouts. That's why so many of them leave to go to other teams. They're the Northern Marianas sweatshop of the NFL. Season-ticket holders not only get access to exhibition, regular-season and playoff games, they also get garments at cost. I understand the Patriots' defensive backs coach is a 10-year-old boy named Eduardo.
Does society really need to see more camera shots of Belichick on the sidelines in an old sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off? The Super Bowl reaches approximately 1 billion people in over 230 countries and territories. What we're saying to the world, in essence, is that this is one of the most successful men in the U.S. at his profession, and if you work hard enough, you too can someday dress like him. I imagine that might slow human initiative around the globe.
Some of the highlights from Jets blogs:
What barbaric fans we are drinking beer and eating hot dogs. This guy wouldn't last a second at a game without his latte and veggie burger. He sounds like a diehard Rachel Maddow fan to me...just another reason to hate NBC, MSNBC because they employ people like this to bash people who don't live in their little fantasy world.
That "writer" is a doosh. I bet his parents wished they'd had a boy.
The guy has never been to an NFL game in his life. what he describes is not a "jet" fan, but a football fan. i have been to philly and foxboro and they destroy us in the white trash department...
Extremely unprofessional, arrogant and poorly structured. And for what purpose? It's not like Rex just beat his wife or four Jets raped a nun.
That's right: "poorly structured"! Right back atcha, Michael.