No one knows anything, but hell, like anyone will remember anyone's predictions anyway. Here are the official Emeritus predictions for the Major League Baseball playoffs, which start (woo-hoo!) today.

ALDS
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim over Boston Red Sox in five.
New York Yankees over Minnesota Twins in four.

NLDS
Philadelphia Phillies over Colorado Rockies in four.
Los Angeles Dodgers over St. Louis Cardinals in five.

LCS
New York Yankees over Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in six.
Los Angeles Dodgers over Philadelphia Phillies in six.

World Series
New York Yankees over Los Angeles Dodgers in seven.

Send an email to Will Leitch, the author of this post, at will@deadspin.com.