Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Panic in the Gateway City: Albert Pujols says he's in no rush to sign a contract extension. He made the comments to a Dominican radio station, perhaps reminded of the fact that they were the first fellow Dominicans he's seen since moving to St. Louis.
•First blood goes to the Phillies, who take game one, 8-6. Brad Lidge pitched a scoreless ninth, which for him has the equivalent improbability of a World Series perfect game.
•The NBA has officially changed the traveling rules, now allowing players two steps before being whistled. Let's see... at 63 years per step added, it'll only be 2198 before the refs actually call the rulebook.
•A New Jersey running back claims one of the reasons he didn't recieve a 1-A scholarship offer is because he's white. Sure it might suck, but let's see if he complains when he can hail a taxi.
•AC Milan is asking US Soccer to pay up after Oguchi Onyewu went down against Costa Rica on Wednesday. Gooch has played all of 30 minutes for the Rossoneri this season, so it's kind of like bitching about paying for a gym membership you never use.
•Finally, I give you this video without comment: