Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•The Tampa Bay Lightning got their yucks from a good-old fashioned game of "strip shootout," where if you don't score on a breakaway, you remove a piece of clothing. The players said they got really excited by the game, which gives a whole new meaning to "high-sticking."
•The Bears ink Jay Cutler to a two-year extension. While he hasn't exactly set the world on fire, he's a better option than Rex Grossman, Brian Griese, Chad Hutchinson, Jonathan Quinn, Craig Krenzell, Kordell Stewart, Chris Chandler, Henry Burris, Cade McNown, Jim Miller, Shane Matthews, Steve Stenstrom, Moses Moreno, Rick Mirer, Dave Kreig, Eric Kramer, Steve Walsh, Will Furrer, Peter Tom Willis...
•The Yankees take a 3-1 series lead on the ample back of CC Sabathia. Accusations of Sabathia throwing a Rivera-like spitball were refuted when FOX cameras picked up a hot dog vendor in his line of sight, indicating it was only drool.
•Tennessee Papa John's were offering one free topping for every Titans touchdown this weekend. Hope you like cheese pizza.
•In advance of the NFL's upcoming jaunt to London, one British tabloid attempts to bust 10 myths about the NFL. Sadly, the part about a coin toss being used to decide tie games is no myth.
•The NBA expects to have their referees back on the court in time for next week's opener, and none too soon. Did you see that Cleveland game last night? The Mavs were only getting whistled if they actually fouled LeBron!
•To cap the morning off, we've got some video of a ladies room fight at this weekend's Texas/OU game. More like Yellow River Rivalry, amirite?