Ok, really it's rent to own. But if you need a large man with questionable basketball skills to come to your birthday party, bar mitzvah—or you just need some boxes moved—the New Jersey Nets can arrange that.

The ad wizards in Jersey have unleashed a new promotion, "Your Ticket to a Player." For $25,000, you can have the Net of your choice show up at "your home, office, school or party" for one solid hour! Imagine! Playing pin the tail on the donkey with Yi Jianlian!

Oh, you also get four courtside seats, free food, drinks and parking for 10 Nets home game this season. Like anyone would actually want watch these guys play basketball.

For $25K, Brook Lopez Will Come to Your House [SLAM]
New Jersey Nets player will go to birthday party ... for 25K [ESPN]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.