Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Had your fill of high-and-mighty Pennsylvanians yet? Sidney Crosby had a hat trick by the second intermission, and the Penguins have the best record in the east. But don't expect to hear about it from the fans; they can't hop on while their Steelers bandwagon is still moving.
•The Chiefs suspend Larry Johnson for two weeks, which is really just one game and the bye week. Normally teams are loathe to lose the production from their star, but I'm not sure they'll notice his 2.7 yards per carry when it's missing.
•Maybe it's foolish to panic after two games, but...maybe LeBron should start panicking after two games. His triple-double goes for naught as Toronto sends the Cavs to their first 0-2 start since his second season.
•The Buccaneers name first round pick Josh Freeman their starter, because what's the point of benching your talented young QB when you're not winning anyway? Apparently the Titans also have a young rookie they should be starting, one Vince Young. Haven't heard much about him.
•Finally, it's been making the rounds all day: the behind-the-back touchdown pass.