Pothead Dads, Reebok Girl, Hookers and Oatmeal: Your Open MailbagDrew Magary11/03/09 2:41pmFiled to: Balls DeepOpen mailbag tuesdayReebok girl46EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkTime for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email us here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering waterless urinals, pothead dads, bacon, butter, and upright jerking.AdvertisementBefore we get into this week's batch of emails and what not, let us bow before the majestic and totally gratuitous sexism of this Reebok EasyTone shoe commercial:Goddamn, that is one horrible, awful, WONDERFUL commercial. So crude. So brazen. I adore it. I haven't seen sexual harassment from a cameraman this blatant since the old Bugle Boy ads. Oh, tight workout booty shorts. You are a creation on par with gunpowder, bacon salt, and Tommy Lee's spinning drum kit. That is one fresh-from-the-oven ass on that gal. Oof.Joe:AdvertisementI'm a 26-year-old husband and father who has been married for just over a year and has a beautiful 17-month-old daughter (see what happened there?).Aw yeahhhhh, shotgun wedding!AdvertisementSponsoredI earn a good living working in Manhattan and support my wife (a stay at home mom) and kid with a nice home on Long Island. After a long day of work I usually come home, cook a nice dinner, enjoy some sports and throw back a beer or two. I also like to smoke pot. I started smoking regularly in college and I guess the habit/hobby just never went away. Does this make me a bad Dad?My wife smokes too (she doesn't really drink). We usually wait until my daughter is asleep but sometimes we'll take turns sneaking downstairs in the basement for a couple hits. I'm struggling with weather or not this is a juvenile transgression that I should have given up long ago or a relatively harmless vice that allows me to relax after work. Am I a victim of an unfair social taboo or are you dialing CPS as you read this?Before my first kid was born, I kept a small cigar box in our apartment with all my weed supplies: a dimebag, a pipe, and a lighter. When the kid arrived, I took the box and threw it out. I figured that was the responsible thing to do.Here's why that was a stupid idea. First of all, it's a little kid. It's too stupid to know that you're a pothead, and it's too young to give a shit. That's the nice thing about little kids. Most of the parenting you do is physical: feeding, nursing, playing, etc. There's no real emotional parenting to do, and that's why everyone I know that has kids over 13 or older says taking care of a some asshole teenager is 17 times worse than taking care of a toddler. So I say you keep on smokin'. It's not like you have to confront the problem any time soon. I say you quit when the kid turns 10, for reasons that are arbitrary and pointless.Also, you were able to produce a child, which is proof alone you don't smoke too much pot. If anything, I say you need to buy BETTER weed, because the shit you got now is clearly putting you on edge.I smoke weed any time it's presented to me these days. Clearly, I'm not THAT interested in being a good role model. Plus, I never tossed out the liquor, which is arguably much worse to have around. I'll lose the kid before I throw out my precious booze.AdvertisementJohn:What DnD class were you? I'm gonna guess Wizard or Barbarian.Fighter/Magic-User/Thief. Always. I'm not a terribly decisive person.AdvertisementTheStarterWife:Which is a better conduit for butter?a) Popcorn b) Baked potato c) English muffin d) Corn on the cobI say English muffin, (pools of melted butter in each cranny!), but my husband says baked potato because it's like warmed mashed butter. You?I'm not that big on baked potatoes because you have to slather fifty pounds of butter, sour cream, steak drippings, and bacon on it just to make it taste like anything. Why is the potato even there? It's just a crumbly, starchy plate at that point. I'll go with popcorn. There's butter smeared on my goddamn wrists after I plow through a tub of that shit. I literally stuff my face when I eat movie popcorn. I'll gladly eat a handful more voluminous than my mouth and trust that I'll be able to compact the handful into something more manageable along the way. I don't even bother to pause and taste it.AdvertisementKnow what else butter is good on? Oatmeal. It's great on oatmeal. And hookers. Hookers and oatmeal.Daniel:To use an amusing quote from a terrible source: is this something you might be interested in?Mastodon scoring Jonah Hex? If it's a suite of songs centered around Megan Fox being paralyzed and having her body possessed by Rasputin, I'm down.AdvertisementMike:Since shitting is such a frequent topic on this board, I thought these true stories might interest you:A 70-year old man went to a doctor complaining of excessive fatigue. It turned out that for the past ten years, every time he shat, he had an orgasm. While he did not ejaculate, he claimed to experience the same feeling of orgasm as he did during sex. After ten years of defecation-induced orgasm, he apparently couldn't take it anymore, and had a procedure to correct the "problem."That's a problem? The man was given a gift from God. That would be like LeBron James asking a doctor to cut off his legs. No, no! I couldn't possibly deal with all this joy and happiness!I can tell you this orgasmic shit-taking is no myth. Ever take a good post-jog dump? One you've been holding in for a good long while? SEXY AS AN APE.