Colorado May Consider Bake Sale In Order To Buy Out Coach

Colorado's football team stinks and no one really cares for head coach Dan Hawkins, but the usual solution—throwing money at the problem—just isn't going to work this time. They don't have any money left to throw.

At a preseason banquet, Hawkins declared that the Buffaloes' 2009 campaign would be "10 wins, no excuses." Since they currently have 3, I'm going to go out on a limb and say they aren't going to make it. Incredibly, Hawkins was given a contract extension last year, even though he has zero winning seasons and one bowl game loss under his belt. They're also in danger of losing scholarships because so many players have left the program their graduation rate is plummeting. But he's signed through 2012 and in order to make him leave, it would cost the school about $3.4 million. Not in this economy.

Normally, they would just ask CU's big ticket donors for the cash, but those folks already gave up $3 million to get rid of last chump they had to fire in order to hire the current chump. (A chump they would probably gladly take back if he wasn't such a fan of rape jokes.) The Omaha World-Herald says that the inner circle of "go to" donors has dried up, but that boosters have started reaching out the former Buffaloes in the NFL to see if they can help create a buyout pool.

Sorry, but I don't think Rashaan Salaam has a lot of petty cash lying around. Looks like you're stuck with Danny Boy.

What's the right price to get Boulder rolling? [Omaha World-Herald]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.

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