TMZ Wins The WeekendS

In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like TMZ, which might as well stand for "Tiger Media Zone" the way they've wrapped the Eldrick/Elin saga in a nice warm Snuggie of coverage.

It's the type of story that's TaylorMade™ for Harvey Levin's gossip mongers, since their knack for getting inside sources to rat on their friends and their utter disdain for independent third-party confirmation allows them stay two steps ahead of the mainstream media on a story everyone wants in on. Even ESPN is broadcasting the photos of Tiger Woods' mangled Cadillac, but guess whose logo is plastered all over them?

(Seriously, assuming the "Kobe Special" story is true, does the "friend" who [presumably] sold that info to TMZ think that Tiger won't know who was behind it? Is it worth getting shut out of the inner circle forever just to become the fabled inside source? Or maybe I just don't understand the celebrity-sycophant relationship. I guess that's why no one has ever asked me to be in a posse.)

Anyway, this story will only get bigger before it gets lost, because it's the perfect blend of sports, gossip, celebrity and sex. Even my Grandma knows—and has several strong opinions about—Tiger Woods, so you know that everyone will have something to say about this scandal. (If only he'd had the good sense to do crash his car the day before Thanksgiving Day, you could have had something to talk about during dessert.) Even if they don't realize it, people will be endlessly discussing the rumors that started at TMZ ... and you better believe they aren't going stop publishing them until they reach the bottom. Bless their hearts.

Tiger Woods Coverage [TMZ]

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Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Vince Young: ALL HE DOES IS WIN!* (*Provided Matt Leinart is somehow involved.)

Rivalry Games: Georgia, Oklahoma, NC State, South Carolina, and Mississippi State. All of them knocked off ranked, in-state rivals despite having mostly terrible seasons themselves. (Auburn? So close!) Feels good, doesn't it?

Larry Johnson: 100 yards rushing in his second-game in Cincy. So the whole "insult coach and gay people to get a ticket out of town" plan worked out pretty well?

And the Weekend Loser? I'm going to with the guy who, in 30 seconds, went from universally beloved, superstar family man athlete to a pill-addicted whoremonger who lacks the hand-eye coordination to drive a car five feet without smashing into something. That's a rough holiday.

TMZ Wins The WeekendS