Texas Wins The Weekend

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Texas Longhorns, who won the weekend by not having to prove they were better than everyone else. Welcome to college football!

Alabama made Tebow cry and even though Florida was obviously overrated all season (should Percy Harvin get a retroactive Heisman?), the Crimson Tide are clearly the nation's best team. However, there are four other undefeated teams, each with a valid claim to the number one contender slot. Naturally, it will go to Texas ... uncontested. Not because they would theoretically beat any of those other three teams, but because they actually beat 9-3 Nebraska. By one. On a neutral field. After being saved by a replay, because they don't understand how to tell time.

To the BCS, of course, this is vindication. They put the No. 1 and No. 2 teams in the championship game! What more do you cretins want? As if there was no possible dispute about who No. 1 and No. 2 should be. (That's the beauty of circular logic.) How can people actually defend a sport where three teams can win every single one of their games—including a team from one of the "power" conferences that actually created the BCS—yet have zero opportunity to win their sport's championship. I still don't see the answer to that question here. Just some nonsense about retired folk who can't afford playoff tickets. Don't you see? They're doing it for you, Mr. Blue Collar Worker! Rich people are so generous, not making you spend your money like that!

Could TCU beat Texas? Could Cincinnati even stay on the field with Alabama? Maybe, maybe not. But I'd sure like to find out, wouldn't you?

Some eyes don't see Texas as clear choice for BCS title game [Denton Record Chronicle] BCS gets its way with last-second Texas win [SF Chronicle] Opinion: Bowl Championship Series just makes everybody mad [Ann Arbor] Boise State, TCU matchup in Fiesta Bowl feels like cop-out [SI.com]

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Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big.

New Orleans: Whoo boy. That's not dodging a bullet. That was divine intervention. Do you know what "divine intervention" is? God came down from Heaven and stopped those bullets. We just witnessed a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!

Bruce MF'n Gradkowski: Get on the G-Train! It's always on time! [SF Chronicle]

North Carolina Women's Soccer: Maybe that sport could use a BCS, so that someone else could win the title for a change. [ESPN]

Michael Vick: So .... we're cool now, right? [Atlanta Journal Constitution, USAToday]

The godless, suffering people of Philippines: Not only do they get free SEC Championship shirts, but you-know-who just might be coming down their chimney this Christmas! (After he builds them a chimney, of course.) [Florida Alligator]

And the Weekend Loser? Greg Oden. That poor, poor bastard.