Who's Not Lying About (or For) Tiger Woods Right Now?

TI-ger Watch... Club-carrying Kiwi goon, Steve Williams, contends he had no idea his boss was such a cad: "I do not have any personal knowledge of anything in the reports related to the Tiger Woods' stories." High fucking five, Stevie.

• Rachel Uchitel apparently held a press conference with Ok! magazine to repurpose her "not a whore" platform. Oh and she's acquired herself a mystery man in a poofy coat and douche-glasses.

• It's amazing how many of Tiger's ad slogans make you feel all icky now. [ DailyBeast]

• Ben Greenman is our generation's Tim Rice having sex on Ambien. [ New Yorker]

• ®® pounds out an 800-word slow jam to help fix Tiger: "To my wife, to my kids, to my family, to my friends, to my fans, I am so sorry. You believed in me. You looked up to me. You thought I was different, and I let you down. I'm ashamed of myself. My mom is ashamed of me. I'm sure my dad would be ashamed of me. I'm an idiot." Then he has to go full Tebow: "From this day forward, you will never see somebody work harder, 24 hours a day, to win back your trust." [ ESPN]

PHOTO: Naples News