Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•The Comcast game descriptions were bizarre, but at least they've been accurate. Until last night. We're just a few weeks away from retired, dead, and non-basketball-related players from being featured. (Thanks to readers Scott and, um, "Bowser" for the screengrab.)
•The Colts escape again, holding on against the Jags and moving to 14-0. I know it's never happened before, so it's odd to say a team will follow that path, but: don't these Colts have the feel of a team that will go 16-0 and get knocked out in their first playoff game?
•Jim Schwartz tells it like it is, saying a good number of Lions are "castoffs from other teams." Ahh, Detroit. It's like the UFL of the NFL.
•Bobby Knight takes a shot at John Calipari, and he's kind of got a point. I guess it all depends on how you like your sleaze: boisterous and overt in a red sweater, or underhanded and slick in an Armani suit.
•The Rams canceled practice because everyone's got Swine Flu. You know, symptoms can last up to a month. Maybe they should just call the whole season off.
•Tiger Woods has made the front page of the New York Post
19 20 straight days. That pushes him past Jack Nicklaus's record, from that time he killed that hobo.
So, holy shit, last night was the 20th anniversary of The Simpsons' original airdate. The first sports guest voice was Magic Johnson, pre-HIV admission. Feel old yet?