Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•If you are a Blazers center, you will go down with a patella injury. Joel Przybilla ruptured a tendon and dislocated his kneecap, and is off to do some upper body work with Greg Oden.
•Introducing Steve Nash Fitness World, a chain of gyms in British Columbia. Hey, that's not too far from Portland! Good news for any Portland centers who need to do some upper body work.
•Hey look, it's a real bowl! Or at least, it was supposed to be. BYU used a 37-0 run to blow out Oregon State, making us all thankful that the better Pac-10 team is in the Rose Bowl...or, perhaps, Oregon is just as overrated, and we'll have a crappy Rose Bowl too.
•UT is knocking off top ten teams right and left, coming from behind at the half to knock off Michigan State. For years we've wondered what could possibly be more insufferable than Florida winning titles in football and basketball; we could have our answer in Austin, but let us pray we never have to find out.
•A golf course owner pleaded guilty to stealing millions of gallons of water from Kansas City. Police wondered how he kept his hybrid of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sinsemilla so lush and green through the winter.
Slow news night? Not when two athletes' legs are horribly disfigured within hours of each other! Let's hope for more of the same today!