Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•With Jack Nicholson busy shredding in Aspen — I hope he still wears this Arizona Diamondback-inspired parka! — the Lakers fell to Cleveland, 102-87, in front of a restless foam finger (and wet peanut?) -throwing crowd.
•Nate Robinson and Mike D'Antoni are the new Stephan Marbury and Isiah Thomas. The Knicks coach "could be seen smirking" during a weak chorus of "We Want Nate" chants yesterday at the Garden, where Miami beat Danilo Gallinari's festive sneakers, 93-87.
•The Chargers clinched a bye in the NFL Network's totally confusing "Thursday Night Football: Special Edition". The Titans' Chris Johnson needs 128 more yards to become the sixth player to rush for 2,000 in a season. His team needs 12 more months just to make a playoff run.
•Will Joe McKnight be at the Emerald Bowl tonight? Probably, but he'll be in the minority: a USC pal reports that "I just checked on the Emerald Bowl website, and I could buy 4 tickets in the corner end zone right now if I wanted to."
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Oh, hello! Pleased to make your acquaintance, although I believe we may have met before.
I do hope you've been having an enjoyable holiday weekend. I've spent mine third wheeling (fifth, if you count my parents) with my brother and his girlfriend. They call each other "kitty" and they giggled meaningfully during the Titans-Chargers game last night when the announcer said "When you run routes like that, you must have strong protection."
On a related note, I am well aware that the beautiful babies don't work the Saturday after Christmas. This is the skank shift. But I sure hope you'll tip me just as well.