Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* The early line on the Super Bowl is Colts -4.5 (depending on who you ask), but sadly, gambling is illegal in this country. Guess you're out of luck. [Las Vegas Sun]
* Kelly Kulick became the first woman ever to win a PBA Tour event, beating Chris Barnes in the final round of the Tournament of Champions. Please restrain yourself from making any "16-pound ball" jokes. [ESPN]
* Nolan Ryan is about to become a part owner of the Texas Rangers. His first personnel move is to sign Robin Ventura and punch him in the head. [Ft. Worth Star-Telegram]
* The Australian Open: Still happening. [Australian Open]
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It's Monday morning. Pack a hearty lunch.