Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Here's a man (a man?) dressed in what appears to be Shakespearian garb adjusting his hair piece (real hair?) while the camera catches him mugging behind Bobby Knight during the Kansas/Mizzou game. The odd spectator didn't distract the Jayhawks, who marched to victory 84-65. (UPDATE: Dozens of readers have alerted me that the strange looking person seated behind Bobby Knight is singer Eddie Money, who sang the National Anthem at the game. Yes, the "Two Tickets To Paradise" guy.)
* The second most homoerotic football day of the year, the Senior Bowl topless weigh-in pageant, is afoot and Tim Tebow shows off what Jesus would look like on the cross if he had a little more whey protein in his diet.
* Andy Roddick advanced in the Aussie Open. Dr. Faggot was nowhere to be found.
* Calm down bloody sock enthusiasts: Curt Schilling is not making a comeback, he's just working out.
* And West Virginia students received this nice email from the puritanical vice president of student affairs, asking them to please stop the profanity during nationally televised games:
I attended the game this Saturday as the WVU Mountaineers took on the Ohio State Buckeyes, and I left the Coliseum very excited about our win! However, I must say I was not excited about the inappropriate language coming out of our student fan section.
Chanting obscenities that can be heard throughout the Coliseum and on national television does not reflect positively on WVU. Many fans including other student fans were disappointed and embarrassed by the vulgar and profane chants throughout the basketball game. I urge you to stop this behavior. As students, you represent WVU and our basketball program, and you must do so positively, by handling victories, defeats, and the officiating with sportsmanship, class, and character.
Let's follow the example of our players and show fans nationwide what it means to be a Mountaineer and part of the Big East. Remember your behavior over shadows the good behavior of our players on the court. As Mountaineer fans, you are representing our players, coaches, WVU, and the entire state of West Virginia.
As Vice President for Student Affairs, I continue to encourage you to do your part in promoting a fun and friendly atmosphere during the basketball games.
* Have fun! Cheer loud! Be Mountaineer Proud! *
Let's go, Mountaineers!
Vice President for Student Affairs
Good morning. It's Tuesday. Wine for the women.