Super Bowl Subplot #4: Dwight Freeney's AnkleS

Is it sprained or is it broken? Torn or rent asunder? Will he or won't he? Will it matter if he won't? Wait ... Someone is planning to play defense in this game? FREEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

Dwight Freeney twisted his ankle on a pretty pointless attempt to bring down Mark Sanchize in the AFC Championship Game and now the rest of the football world will be held hostage to his every whim and desire. The Colts told Adam Schefter that Freeney has "a third-degree, low basketball sprain," which is great news because he plays football. Adam's interpretation is that this is very serious and it's doubtful he would play effectively on Sunday. Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell scoffs by saying that Freeney is a "quick healer" and it doesn't matter that he won't practice for two weeks. Peter King says he can't imagine Freeney not playing, unless his ankle is "simply collapsing." Except collapse is exactly what is being suggested by the "torn ligaments" diagnosis. Except an angry reader writes in to point out that all sprained ankles are, by definition, torn ligaments. Except that there are at least three degrees of tearing apparently! Oh man, I could listen to this stuff all week!

If the All-Pro defensive end doesn't play, the Colts are fucked. Unless they aren't! The Saints still have to act as though he might play and Drew Brees hardly ever gets sacked anyway. This will dramatically alter the outcome of Super Bowl ex-ell-eye-vee. But! PEYTON! Slide protections! Screens! GaRHARAHAdFADAH!

Freeney is reportedly sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber with a "stimulation machine" on his bad ankle, which is coincidentally the same method I will employ so that I can still care about this story seven days from now.