Telestrator Dong: Elephantiasis EditionS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•College hoops' Nos. 2, 3, 4 and 5 were all in action last night, and all prevailed — except for No. 5 MSU, who got blown out by Wisconsin. I'm sure losing Kalin Lucas to what looks like a serious ankle sprain didn't help matters. And I'm sure that won't help matters in the future, either. (Thanks to Lee for the screengrab.)

The Jets fined Rex Ryan $50,000 for giving fans the finger at an MMA event over the weekend, and the NFL is expected to come down with their own penalty soon. It's really not fair. Ryan wasn't flipping the bird, but rather showing the cameras how his fingers were covered in FunDip.

•The Capitals reeled off their 11th consecutive victory, a new franchise record. Maybe it's their turn to win it all this year, to the consternation of Penguin haters. Are you ready to turn in one inept franchise that lucked into a No.1 overall pick and gathered a bandwagon fanbase, for another?

•Kurt Warner says he's not sure if Matt Leinart has what it takes to be a successful NFL QB. Since Kurt is such a nice Christian fellow who'd never say a cross word to anyone, we'll translate that for him: "Arizona, you're boned."

•The Ohio State basketball team got a little rowdy in their hotel room, forcing security to come up and check it out. Let me specify: it was the 1960 OSU team, in town for their 50th reunion. Don't worry, Blackwell Hotel: by the 60th reunion, the party will be a lot quieter.

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Hey, it's national signing day! Time to learn about the NFL rookie class four years early; for the best of the best, three years early; and for anyone earning an FSU degree, five or more years early.