Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•There were 1016 masochistic fans in attendance at the Nets game, despite the blizzard, and despite the Nets. I propose a new rule: if there are more inches of snow on the ground than your team has wins, you shouldn't be expected to show up. (Note: rule would force contraction of the T-Wolves.)
•Another absurd third period Caps comeback pushed the game to overtime, but Tomas Plekanec's goal denied Washington their 15th straight win. The '93 Penguins' record is safe, so Mario Lemieux can sleep soundly, if Sidney Crosby in the next room would just get over his night terrors.
•North Carolina loses, again, but the nation can't enjoy it because they fell to Duke. Perhaps it's asking too much, but couldn't both teams be terrible in the same season? Just once?
•The Texans extended Gary Kubiak's contract through the 2012 season, after finally topping .500. If he ever takes them to the playoffs, they'll just rename the team the Houston Kubiaks.
•Hanley Ramirez learns to pour the perfect pint from a Guinness Master Brewer. So, this bumps him up on your board if you're in a 6 x 5 league with a very unorthodox category.
Good morning to all those out there in Deadspinland. I'm sure we have some delectable little nuggets on tap today.