Your weekly gambling column, featuring smart plays, oddball propositions, all your tales of woe — plus, betting advice from a 13-year-old boy! Send your stories to email@example.com. Subject: Bad beats.
This isn't a great gambling week, so I'll just run quickly through my picks for the NBA All-Star Game. Odds via Sportsbook.com.
All-Star Game MVP: Kevin Durant (+600). Great odds for a player who's been as hot as he's been.
Dunk contest winner: Shannon Brown (+110). He can really get up in the air.
Player to score the first point: Dwyane Wade (+450). Why not? Best odds for that category.
GIRL I'D LIKE TO KISS OF THE WEEK: BROOKLYN DECKER
When my SI Swimsuit Issue came in the mail, I first checked it out then brought it along with me to school. I thought of it as rebellious and a little badass. So in each of my classes I'd take it out and pass it around to my friends.
The young cover girl Brooklyn Decker awed all of my classmates. Although her name sounds more like some kind of poker guru from New York, her body says otherwise. Because words really can't describe her hotness or the things one would do for any sort of physical contact with Brooklyn Decker, I thought you might enjoy another photo:
A word of warning: Never bring a Swimsuit Issue to social studies class. You'll get told on by some teacher's pet with no concern for the interests of an eight-grade boy. This will result in your teacher calling the action "irresponsible" and "pathetic," an e-mail home, and four lunch detentions. Talk about a bad beat. It isn't worth it. Keep your copy in the bedroom.
BAD BEATS: READERS SHARE THEIR TALES OF WOE
I have played online poker for about 4 years now. I've played on a bunch of different sites. All have different graphics, different promotions, different players but there is one constant, me getting boned in the rear. I'm not talking just any kind, it's no lube prison rape status. I always shared my stories with my friends that played poker but they never seemed to believe all the stories of my "bad beats" because there were so many of them. Well the other day i discovered the "Screen Print" key on my computer that allows you to take a picture of your computer screen and save it. That was just a few days ago and here is a nice picture that sums up my online poker career. I flopped the nuts, but he flopped a gigantic elephantitis pair of nuts right on my face. Welcome to my life. (Bryce)
Following an offseason of confusion after the Buccaneers' head coach Tony Dungy was fired, Jon Gruden rides in to lead the team to their first (and probably only) Super Bowl appearance in SB 37 against the Raiders. As San Diego is way too far a road trip for poor college kids in Tampa, we head to a local watering hole that always throws a huge party. The place has a few "square pools" running, with various denominations. Feeling a little lucky, I get into one for $50... a lot of beer money back then. When the numbers are picked, I end up with 1 and 1. Maybe there's a shot at a quarter or halftime being tied at 21, but I've got no shot at winning the big $2500 game-end pot with those numbers! Time to just get soused.
Fast forward to about 30 seconds left in the game. The scoreboard reads 41-21. The Bucs have doused their new coach in Gatorade. The bar has gone bonkers with an upcoming win that not only rights the offseason confusion, but erases the pain of 25 years of franchise futility. Me, well I'm pleasantly drunk, mentally counting that $2500 that's about to be put in my hand. I order about $100 worth of shots for all my buddies (no big deal for a broke college kid that's about to have 25 portraits of Ben Franklin dropped in his lap). I turn back to the TV to continue laughing at poor Rich Gannon, still trying to do SOMETHING— even with only 5 seconds left.
Suddenly, someone catches Rich Gannon's last pass of the game- Buccanneers defender Dwight Smith. He heads towards the sideline and off towards the endzone. The bar is going nuts, everyone is cheering, it's just the icing on the cake. Me, I'm screaming- for someone to tackle that guy before he scores. SOMEONE PLEASE STOP HIM!!! I hang my head as nobody stops Dwight Smith before he tacks another 7 on the board as time runs out. Final score: 48-21. I lose. Fans pour out into the street to really get the party started... which makes it really easy for our waitress to hand me a tab that sends my measly checking account well into overdraft protection without that extra cash.
Insult to injury- the guy who falls into the big pot buys me a shot- one tiny little shot of well liquor to soothe my loss. I can't decide who I hate more- him or Dwight Smith. (Jimbo)
Share your bad beat with the world. E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Subject: Bad beats.
ALIEN PROP BET OF THE WEEK: THIRD KIND EDITION
From Paddy Power: Which country will be the first to confirm it has been in contact with "alternative life beings from another planet"?
South Africa 18/1