Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* More Olympics awesomeness: The Canadians wanted to "green up" the Winter Olympics—and not just by doing away with snow—by using eco-friendly electric ice resurfacers. They only have one tiny flaw—they suck at cleaning ice. The men's 500M speedskating heats had to be canceled after three of them failed. (The more manly, gas-powered Zambonis will be shipped in from Calgary.)