Last Night's Winner: The Golf Writers Association Of AmericaS

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like American golf scribes, who defiantly removed their lips from the tainted buttocks of Tiger Woods and decided to collectively boycott today's "press conference."

This may appear to be a hollow, bratty gesture on the part of the GWAA but it's a necessary one, considering most of its members have spent the last decade coddling Tiger, suppressing their intuition and suspicions that The Great Eldrick showed signs of, not just transcendence in golf, but transcendence in asshole-dom.

Now that EVERYONE knows about his numerous, comical transgressions, the GWAA has finally sacked-up and told Mr. Woods that, No, we will not accept your invitation to sit in a tiny room and watch your finely crafted apology via satellite like everyone else. Bitch.

Runner up: The Cleveland Cavaliers, rattled by la rush of a championship's tingle.