Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* The always classy gallery at TPC Scottsdale heckled Brit Ian Poulter with chants of "U.S.A." after he missed a birdie putt on 16. So he took a second to "get something off" his face. I would have gone with a classic "read between the lines" or "should I turn this up?" but any variation will work. [Waggle Room; thanks to the many who sent this in]
* After drowning in a pothole at Daytona, Jimmie Johnson has won back-to-back NASCAR races. I bet that would have made a fantastic TV documentary. [ESPN]
* Cleveland has replaced their real centers—Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Shaquille O'Neal, who will miss the rest of the regular season and possibly part of the playoffs after needing surgery on his thumb—with no one. Let's see if LeBron James notices. [Yahoo]
* Yesterday's Maryland-Virginia Tech game was delayed for two hours after a truck delivering beer to an alumni party ran over a fire hydrant near Cassell Coliseum. I guess that's not as madcap hysterical as Hollywood always makes it seem. [Wash. Post.]
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Can someone explain to me how these guys did not perform at the Closing Ceremony? Hello? Sidney Crosby? Mike Reno? Or maybe I just missed it because they were on during "The Marriage Ref." What a hilariously executed and well-conceived show that isn't embarrassing for anyone involved!