Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
[Photo via Reuters via The Big Picture. Just because.]
* The Binghamton Bearcats have withdrawn from the American East tournament this weekend, which means they will not repeat their Cinderella run of robberies, beatings, sexual harassment, drug arrests and suspensions. It was quite a ride. [Press & Sun-Bulletin]
* Sorry, kickball dorks. Insufferable twenty-somethings desperately wishing they had never left college have found a new childhood "sport" that they can embarrass themselves and their families by taking way too seriously. Yes, it's the Four Square World Championships. You will die alone. [NESN]
* A Viking fan in Wisconsin has purchased—at the cost of "two to three years worth of season tickets"—a full-page ad in the Hattiesburg American to try and convince Brett Favre to play one more year. Also: in the ad he calls Favre "bro." Duuuuuude ... you wasted your money. [Channel3000]
* Miguel Cabrera: Not an alcoholic. Noted. [AP]
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I just saw a tumbleweed pass by the boss' desk so it looks like this week is basically Thunderdome. Try to clean up after yourselves for once.