Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Maryland tops Duke on Senior Night, but don't go puffing out your chests too much, Terps fans. I'm not going to say Duke threw the game, but a loss does mean they get to clinch the ACC title at home, against a Tar Heels squad on the NIT bubble. So yeah, they threw the game.
•The Hockey Hall of Fame wants Sidney Crosby's gear from his gold medal-winning shot. Problem is, no one knows where it is. Can I suggest they put Crosby himself under lucite in Toronto? Like, tomorrow?
•Peyton Manning had minor surgery to correct a pinched nerve. In his neck. Probably pushing on his trachea. Cutting off his oxygen. Making it hard to breathe. Maybe causing him to cho—aw, you see where I'm going with this.
•Baylor's Brittney Griner was ejected for throwing a punch at an opponent. Already the first woman to dunk regularly, one hopes she will break the fighting gender barrier and be the first not to pull hair and slap.
•Jack Nicklaus says he thinks Tiger Woods will be back for the Masters, and Jack would know. The Golden Bear was juggling Scandinavian models, club girls, porn stars and cocktail waitresses since before Tiger was born.
(Photo via copyranter. Holy shit, Belarussian soldiers, you rule. This is like a Euro metalhead's wet dream.)
Thanks for joining us this Thursday morning. Let's make it a good one.