Florida Marlins More Popular Than Ever In RestroomsS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•In between threatening other people's girlfriends with his penis, Jose Canseco Tweeted that he's been subpoenaed to testify before the Roger Clemens grand jury. Time and time again, Canseco has proved to be the only person in this whole mess telling the truth. So that guy's girlfriend better be careful.

•Investigators have withdrawn their request for a DNA sample from Ben Roethlisberger, and no one knows why. I'm sure the Georgia police will get around to this investigation just in time for the Falcons' interconference game in Pittsburgh this year.

•The UConn women win their record 74th game in a row, with a 90-36 shellacking of Temple. They've won all 74 by double digits, but are apparently trying to set a new streak of triple-digit wins.

•The NHL Board of Governors approved a rule punishing hits to the head. Keep in mind, every single offending hit so far this year was already punishable, most were just ignored by the refs and the league.

•Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian are reportedly no more. Again. Yet Lamar Odom, still madly in love. It's a strange, strange world.

(Photo via Philosophy From A Bathroom Wall)

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How kind of you to join us this Wednesday morning. I'll put the coffee on.