Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•OJ is beloved by his prison's resident transgender gang, according to the National Enquirer. On one hand, it's the paper of record for Bat Boy. On the other hand, they're probably going to win a Pulitzer this year. We'll split the difference and leave this here with no comment.
•Syracuse will once again be without Arinze Onuaku against Butler tonight. Seriously, Jim Boeheim, if you're thinking about his future, don't. He's a senior, and this is the Sweet 16. Put him in until his quad falls out. And then leave him in to foul.
•The Penguins fall to 0-3 on the year against the Caps, a likely Eastern Conference Finals opponent, on Mike Knuble's first career shootout goal. Also, I think Alex Ovechkin was suspended 5 games for looking at Sidney Crosby's head from behind.
•The Rams categorically deny that they're interested in Donovan McNabb. This means one of two things: either they're afraid of showing their hand, or Hello, Oakland!
•Tiger Woods dated a)another porn star, b)LeAnn Rimes, c)all of the above? The answer is d)you could tell me he dated Nancy Pelosi, and I'd believe you at this point.
And a pleasant Thursday to you as well. Let's get things started.