Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Small victories - Florida State prevented UConn from doubling their score. The Huskies are in the Final Four, and their path to another title looks pretty clear. This lack of competition might not be good for women's college basketball's popularity.
•Apparently, Tiger's return to the Masters isn't the boon for scalpers some had expected. A four-day pass is going for "only" $2,236, which sounds like an awful lot for a sporting event where you don't get to sit down, you've got to fight your way to the front for a view of anyone good, and Tiger probably won't be pulling women out of the gallery this year.
•Caster Semenya is fed up with a hold-up in her gender test results, and has unilaterally announced her return to running. If only there were some way she could get into the old boys club that is the IAAF...
•Diego Maradona had to get stitches after being bitten by his dog. I hope they don't put it down; it's already shown more fight than Argentina's World Cup squad.
•Do you want to own Don Mattingly's royalty check for his Simpsons appearance? Of course you do. Bidding is currently only $208, a veritable bargain. Did we mention the check is for 61 cents? Did we mention it's been canceled?
Good morning starshine. The blog says hello.