Lucky Augusta Fans Get To Rub Tiger's Balls

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

We'll get to the basketball, but first chew on this ...

* Idiotic eBay Auction of the Week: A Master's shopping bag that was touched by a ball that was once touched by Tiger Woods. (Before he hit a woman in the gallery with it.) Look, if every plastic bag that touched Tiger Woods' balls .... oh never mind. [eBay]

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* The Rams cut QB Marc Bulger—on his birthday and one day after his daughter was born—increasing speculation that they will make Sam Bradford the No. 1 overall pick and confirming speculation that someone really doesn't like Marc Bulger. [St. Louis Globe-Democrat]

* Albert Pujols had two home runs yesterday, which I guess means that he did not suddenly stop being the best player in baseball over the winter. Shucks. [MLB.com]

* For the fourth year in a row, the Pittsburgh Pirates are in first place after Opening Day. Now if they could just find a way to duplicate that success sometime before June ... [Post-Gazette]

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How was your night? I spent most of mine wondering why people don't wear top hats anymore.