Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* The Flyers beat the Rangers in a shootout to claim the final playoff spot on the final day of the NHL regular season. So that was a giant middle finger I saw rising over New Jersey this morning. [Philly Inquirer, Photo via AP]
* Occasionally "troubled" wide receiver Santonio Holmes was traded to the Jets for a can of baked beans and some used patio furniture. Ben Roethlisberger will be shocked by this news just as soon as his lawyers explain it to him. [WDKA/Post-Gazette]
* Barry Bonds says he's "proud" of Mark McGwire for admitting that he used steroids. McGwire responded by saying, "You know what? Thanks, buddy, but I got this one." [ESPN]
* Stephen Strasburg won his first professional start yesterday, striking out eight in five innings, throwing fastballs in the high 90's and selling more pretzels than any other vendor in his section. However, he did not invent the 2-pound pretzel available at Dodger Stadium. That was the work of the devil. [MLB.com]
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Monday morning. Watch yourself, 'cause you're in the ...