Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•The 12-year-old kid who wore a Pistons jersey every single day for four years is finally ending his streak. Don't worry classmates; I'm fairly certain you'll be able to find new reasons to beat him up.
•The NBA will not allow Bobcats broadcaster Dell Curry to vote for rookie of the year, because his son is one of the favorites. Funny, that never came up when Luke Walton was eligible. Wonder why.
•Brandon Marshall signed a tender, perhaps paving the way for a trade to the Seahawks. Seattle: where talented wide receivers are never heard from again.
•The Oilers, with easily the worst record going in, win the NHL draft lottery and will pick first. It's an exceptionally deep draft this year; there are two prospects I've heard of.
•A Dallas-area high school is putting $120 million toward the construction of a new football stadium. A high school! Everything's bigger in Texas, including the misplacement of priorities.
(Thanks to Steve for the photo)
It's Wednesday. Get your space doo-doo pistols.