No Signs Of Intelligent Life At Yankee Stadium

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

Nashville stuns Chicago with a 4-goal third to take the first game of their series. But don't worry, Hawks fans. The Sharks, Devils, Wings and Penguins evened their series, and since every single matchup is playing out exactly the same, the Blackhawks will be prohibitive favorites in game 2.

•In his lawsuit against Texas Tech, Mike Leach claims school officials conspired to fire him to deny him an $800,000 bonus. Well, sure, if you want to include Leach himself as a "school official," then it's technically true, because it sure as hell wasn't the vice provost that put Adam James in a shed.

•Manchester United keeps their title hopes alive with a 1-0 win over Man City, thanks to a stoppage-time goal from Paul Scholes. It only took 3 minutes of stoppage time, however; Fergie Time must be speeding up.

•Dwyane Wade says his heart is in Miami. It is now, anyway, after they've got enough cap space to sign another couple big free agents.

•Hundreds of runners, including some of the elite, could be trapped in Europe by the volcano and not make it in time for Monday's Boston Marathon. Fun fact: flying through the ash is still less dangerous than running through Kenmore Square when the bars lets out after the Sox game.

(Thanks to Ryan for the screengrab)

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It's Saturday. Let's do our stretches, wouldn't want you to pull anything.