A Blow-By-Blow Account Of The Vomiting Phillies Fan

In our #tips section, we received a purported firsthand account from someone sitting in the same section as Matthew Clemens, the New Jersey man accused of throwing up on an 11-year-old girl. We reprint it here for your reading pleasure.

We make no claims as to the veracity of this account, and we apologize in advance for the freeform poetry/instant messaging style.

phillies game last night great seats 16 rows from the dugout sitting with sunny my uncle and cousin a few rows ahead uncle mike so there are 2 rows of ROWDY fans and i think they were really bothering this guy and his family they all get booted except one guy this 300 LB probably mid 20s kid hes sitting htere hammered and talkign sh*t i cant tell whats really going on but apparently he either threatened or threw something at this mid 50s guys daughter 50s guy is a normal guy with ihs daughter and wife and this kid is FAT i mean BIG so he must have either spilled or said somehting and they are one row over so im watching out of the corner of my eye this 50 year old guy gets up and whacks the fat kid in the face...kind of a push punch not like a hard punch kind of a "what the f*ck do you tihnk your doing" punch and the big guy gets up and starts throwing HAYMAKERS so i see this small guy get up and try to break it up...so i fire outa my seat and jump over 2 dudes and help the guy just instinctively i mean your sitting with tons of kids in a nice section of the park you dont want to see a dad fighting some dude twice his size so i get in between the big dude and the old dude and me and three guys throw this guy to the ground in the middle of the aisle everyone watching intently and this dude is struggling to get up and its taking me and 2 other dudes all we had to keep him down hes on one knee, face in the seat, i got my hands on his shoulders and his left arm, this other guys got his hand on the back of his neck and the third guy is holding his right arm down the old guy is fine now hes trying to talk to the kid this other old guy must be in his late 50s fire fighter he is the one holding this guy by the neck so think of this guys right hand is on the back of his neck, kids face in the seat kid makes a VIOLENT move to get up almost knocks all of us back and starts flailing old 50 year old firefighter dude with on hand on the kids neck, BURRIES him with a left to the eye really kind of a sucker punch i was like whoa dude easy thats uncessary kid slumps down to one knee and crushes his head on the seat we are yelling for security at this point event staff is there and they are saying they cant touch the kid they hvae to wait for security so we are holding him and the crowd is going NUTS drunk fans in front of us SCREAMING a tthe top of their lungs"HEY YOU FAT IDIOT YOU CANT DRINK AND NOW YOU GOT KNOCKED OUT" when the guy hit him the whole crowd colletively goes EWWWWWWWWWWW then out of nowhere, fat kids head moves...s wait for it starts PROJECTILE vomitting all over the place people are jumping out of there seats the guy holding his right arm is COVERED in puke i jump back and dont get hit this kid is now laying in his own puke, bleeding, and the crowd gets worse starts chanting "f*ggot" then finaly security comes, the kid jumps up, puts up two middle fingers and screams "F*CK ALL YOU F*GGOTS!" and gets SLAMMED again his gf comes running down the stairs "dont hurt him!" she gets brushed aside and security escorts him out little kids were balling, parents were frightened, drunk kids were fired up Now this is what the #iwasthere tag was made for.