Target Field's Urinal Problem

The early reviews for the Twins' new ballpark have been almost unanimous in their praise — almost. The lines outside the men's restrooms have been long, even longer than the women's. This makes no sense. We need answers.

The natural order of the universe is that the men's bathroom should be like the 10-items-or-less aisle, or the Platinum members' check-in counter at the airport. You're in, you're out, your business is done. But it hasn't been like that at Target Field. Let's look at the prevalent theories:

Women's rights have gone too far. In the stadium, there are 266 fixtures for men, but a whopping 401 for women. This is insane. A urinal takes up half as much space as a stall, so in terms of floor space, women's bathrooms probably triple up men's rooms.

Women don't actually like sports. Target Field seats 39,500 fans. The vast majority of those are men. Despite our best efforts to make women like baseball, and despite Joe Mauer's dreamy sideburns, Twins games are pretty much a sausagefest. There are no lines for the women's room because there are no women.

•Twins fans are stupid, part I. According to the team, most fans congregated around the food court, not exploring the rest of the field. There were lines at the men's room because everyone was going to the same one.

•Twins fans are stupid, part II. According to a reader of Michael Rand's, each restroom has two separate gantlets of urinals — and no one realizes this. So while the fools wait in line for a visible urinal to open up, there are scores of unused ones just around the corner:

Target Field's Urinal Problem

Of course, the best way to overcome these obstacles is to avoid them altogether. Make like Kenny Albert, and simply hold it in. For 20 innings.

Target Field bathroom line score: Ladies win [Star Tribune]