Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day

• Before yesterday's Padres-Marlins game, Bobby V predicted that Florida's Josh Johnson was going to "make a statement" to the Fathers of San Diego, saying, "I think Josh Johnson comes out of the closet tonight, if you will." Oh, we will. Johnson struck out 12, twirling both a complete game and the night away. [The Couchwarmers]

• The Magic finish off the Bobcats, and the Suns are now one win away from the second round. That "Grant Hill Gets Revenge" Finals prop bet is lookin' pretty good right now.

• After a minor bus accident, the Hawks lost to the Bucks. Fear the Deer and all traffic intersections!

• The Blackhawks and the Bruins clinch their respective series; the Habs push the Caps to Game 7 on account of Jaroslav Halak's 53 saves; and the Red Wings and Coyotes play Game 7 tonight. That curse-filled muttering you hear is coming from Leaf and Rangers fans the continent over.

• What is going on with JaMarcus Russell? Is he going to compete for the starter's spot with Jason Campbell? Move to offensive tackle because of his ballooning waistline? Is he simply going to get 86ed? Is Jared Lorenzen a studio analyst yet?

• X-Man Charlie Davies, late of the broken forehead and the ruptured bladder and owner of the most cringe-inducing scar ever, has returned to full-time training with his club team in France. [Goal]

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It's Casey Kasem's and Ace Frehley's birthday. Read about one of those men here.