Later, Roy Williams Told A Masseuse That The Gulf Oil Catastrophe Was Nothing Compared To His SunburnS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• The photo here comes courtesy reader Tom, who explains:

Photo taken 5 mins ago at some resort in arizona, my sister will not reveal the name of it. (she is a carolina fan) And I pleaded for a full length shot with swim trunks but to no avail. No word on whether or not he is rocking a carolina blue speedo.

Roy Williams could give a flip about UV radiation.

• Kobe shuts down Utah with his usual joyless air of a banker foreclosing on a home, but no one in LA seems all that pleased.

• The Hawks, having finally shed their fear of the deer, spend most of Sunday picking bits of Milwaukee Buck out their grille.

Via TrueHoop, here's Mike Brown giggling over Mo Williams's dunk.

• The Sharks go up 2-0, and Drew Sharp, summoning his inner Grantland Rice, writes, "You can't have a third period in this series without the Sharks having a 5-on-3 advantage!" Meanwhile, the Canadiens steal home ice, and Jaroslav Halek is so good that he compels the The Montreal Gazette's Jack Todd to liken him to both Muhammad Ali and a race horse.

• Johan Santana makes the Phillies look like the '27 Yankees for a night.

• Hines Ward, on his eventual retirement: "I don't want to be like Brett Favre. I don't want to be like Old Yeller, when they take you behind the barn and shoot you."

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Good morning. It's Monday.