In sports everyone's a winner, some just win better than others — like every fan of professional sports franchises not located in Cleveland, Ohio. Bless yourselves today.
You're all winners because you weren't born there, so you will (hopefully) never have a rooting interest in any of their teams because, frankly, that would kill you quicker than cyanide. Cleveland: where hope vanishes in the blink of an Ehlo.
TNT compiled that highlight reel of failure with time still left on the clock in last night's game. This city is beyond Charlie Brown missing the football. No, in the Cleveland version, he misses the football, then has his legs smushed by a runaway steamroller.
Joe Posnanski, official archivist of ineptitude for America's sports teams of the county seat of Cuyahoga County, was armed and ready for some sad-sack typing:
There have been so many heartbreaking moments for us Cleveland fans ... each of them conveniently named so that they can be itemized when a Cleveland team loses yet again. Red Right 88. The Drive. The Fumble. The Shot. Old timers will remember Willie Mays' catch. Youngsters will remember Joel Skinner, the third-base coach who held up Kenny Lofton. Each of those moments, and others without names, were so heart wrenching for a city that has not won a championship since 1964.
But at least none of those teams quit. Maybe they faded. Maybe they choked. Maybe they even fell apart. But to quit? No, teams don't really quit. As the Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder said when his team was credited for playing until the end of a game: "They don't let you quit."
So add "The Quit" to that dubious highlight reel, which would start in Game 5 and jump to James whipping off his Cavs jersey in the tunnel after giving high-fives to Celtics fans on his way to the locker room.
And guess what else Cleveland? Sioux City officially stole your adorable rockness.