The man interrupted the Altoona Curve's game because "he was thirsty from drinking vodka," so he hopped the outfield wall and made a beeline for the food stand. Actually, that does sound more pressing than completing a Double-A baseball game.
Yes, minor league baseball is a very affordable way to spend the evening, and yes, the ballparks are so cozy you feel like you're right on the field. But this guy took it a little too far.
Tyrone R. Squires, 24, was described by police as being homeless and originally from Massachusetts but with no permanent address. Sporting a thick, dark beard and wearing an old-time military hat, Squires kept his hands in his pockets as he strolled at a very slow pace from left to right along the outfield wall on the warning track.
Ballpark security allowed him to keep walking until he exited the field near the Curve bullpen down the right field line, where officials detained him. About 20 minutes later, Logan Township police arrived on scene to make an arrest.
He told police that he was heading for the concessions area, and was just looking for something to drink. That's not a crime, is it? Oh wait, it totally is. Squires was charged with trespassing, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness.
"He was drunk and stupid and was a goof," Logan Township Police Chief Ron Heller said.
No Taser this time, because Tasering a drunk 24-year-old homeless guy isn't nearly as fun as Tasering a drunk 17-year-old kid. Still, Altoona's only a four-hour drive from Philadelphia. Any way the media can tie this to out-of-control Philly fans?