Who Does Rasheed Wallace Have To Kick In The Head To Get A Technical?S

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* Would now be a good time to remind you that Phil Jackson has never lost a playoff series after winning Game 1? TIME TO PANIC! [Boston Globe/AP Photo]

* The U.S. team has arrived in South Africa and World Cup practice is off to a great start as Jozy Altidore has already made a trip to the hospital. (Sprained ankle. Day-to-day.) At this point, it's looking like "robbery by prostitutes" is a best-case scenario for this team. [NY Daily News]

* John Wooden: Not dead yet. (Maybe. Almost definitely still alive right now.) [Fanhouse/LA Times]

* Stosur! Schiavone! Roland Garros! Wait ... where are you going? [AP]

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The daylight ... it burns!